Kids absorb everything

“Observation, not old age, brings wisdom.” by Publilius Syrus.

Children are like sponges, absorbing information and experiences from their environment. As parents, teachers, and caregivers, we must be mindful of the messages we send and the examples we set for children.

Upon return to work following the Presidential elections, I listened as children conversed. It was interesting to hear the opinions I believe they had formed from listening to conversations from their parents.

In the context of elections and politics, it is important to model good citizenship and democratic values such as respect, tolerance, and open-mindedness. Regarding children and their observations of political events, it is fascinating how perceptive children can be, even regarding complex issues like elections. Children can absorb information from their environment, including the political opinions of the adults around them.

We can also engage children in age-appropriate discussions about current events and encourage them to ask questions and form their opinions.

Overall, we should always appreciate the intelligence and awareness of children. They are constantly learning and growing, and we are responsible for guiding them in a positive direction.

As educators and caregivers, we must recognize our influence on the children in our care and use this influence responsibly. We should strive to provide children with accurate information and help them develop critical thinking skills rather than imposing our political beliefs on them.

In summary, children are astute observers, and we should be mindful of the messages we convey to them, especially concerning politics and other sensitive topics.

In simple terms, divorce means to dissolve a marriage while a minor is anyone who is below 18. More often than not, the implications of divorce have diverse negative effects on minors. It tends to affect their thought patterns and how they relate to people and their immediate environment.

Firstly, their academic performance begins to decline. This is because the child’s mind is divided and in constant worry. A child who was used to living with both parents is now forced to stay with only one of them. The child becomes distracted, loses focus academically, and equally loses interest.

Furthermore, the child becomes socially withdrawn. They begin to withdraw themselves from their peers. All of a sudden, the child would not want to associate with his/her friends. Insecurity sets in for these children when they see others with both parents and are left in broken homes. To fight these thoughts that come with this insecurity, they opt out to stay away from everyone else as a safer option for them.

In addition, they find it hard to move on. It becomes worse for the minors if either of the parents decides to remarry and they are forced to leave with the new condition. It is more disheartening to state that some of these stepparents end up abusing these kids physically, emotionally, and sexually. This singular act kills their self-esteem and leaves them feeling useless and worthless.

Similarly, these kids become mentally drained. The constant negative thoughts leave them helpless. Little things trigger them; they get easily angered, they experience anxiety and panic attacks, and they detest everyone around them. Their lives become a living hell for them and those around them.

Moving forward, the vulnerable ones get easily swayed into harmful activities that could destroy their future. They feel neglected by their parents leading them to seek solace with outsiders that could end up harming them. The female minors might go into early teenage dating and the men would in turn take advantage of their innocence and vulnerability sexually. These girls are starved of parental love so as far as they are concerned, whatever these men are showing them is love.

More so, some of them end up with health challenges. Those who have become mentally drained might go into depression or even have to deal with hypertension in the early stages of their lives. For the girls who have been sexually exploited, these men end up leaving them with STIs or getting them pregnant. Eventually, some children venture into committing suicide when the weight of the world becomes heavy on them.

In conclusion, divorce affects minors in the most disheartening ways. It is really sad and pathetic that they have to go through terrible experiences for what is no fault of theirs. For these children to have a beautiful future, they have to grow in the safest environments. It contributes positively to their growth and prepares them to be the best versions of themselves.

“Does the person taking all the prizes have two heads?” “Are you not ashamed of yourself?”

Many of us have been on the receiving end of statements like this from African parents or even teachers at school. While growing up, schooling was relatively easy for me. However, I remember the classmates that the teachers didn’t bother calling on to answer questions. I also recall those students that always get jeered at because they found it difficult to keep up.

Nonetheless, what most people failed to realize was that these kids were victims caught in the struggle of the adults in their lives.

While it may be difficult to relate to learning disabilities faced by children, we must accept that these disabilities do exist.

A learning disability is a neurological condition that affects the brain’s ability to send, receive, and process information.

I often meet teachers, parents, and other students who seem to lack empathy and patience when working with learners with disabilities. Very recently, curious parents take their children for tests to ascertain their learning disabilities or not. However, many people are going about with undiagnosed disabilities and carrying this feeling of inferiority and a lack of self-worth.

Here are some learning disabilities and signs to look out for:

• Dyslexia: difficulty in reading;
• Dyscalculia- difficulty in performing mathematical calculations;
• Dysgraphia- difficulty in writing mostly as a result of dyslexia, poor motor coordination;
• Dysphasia- learning disabilities in language;
• Dyspraxia- learning disabilities in motor skills e.g cutting, writing, etc.

To make the learning experience excellent, school authorities need to identify children with learning problems for appropriate intervention.

Also, teachers should give special attention to kids and adolescents who have learning disabilities in the classroom.

The government can also channel more funding toward creating awareness of the existence of learning disabilities.

I believe that understanding and empathy are key parts of building the right mindset to teach all students.

I hereby encourage you to read about these disabilities so you can get a glimpse of the reality they face. Reading about these would also help you greet them with the patience, understanding, and strategies they require.

Some time ago, a six-year-old under my tutelage stated blatantly that he hated Jumia and its services. Seated where I was, I was taken aback ’cause I felt hate was a strong word for a little kid. Seeking to know why he hated Jumia, I discovered that he only repeated verbatim the same words his Dad had used while trying to convey the displeasure he suffered from the shopping app.

Very recently, Preston Perry shared that his daughter, Eden had used the word ‘badass’ while trying to celebrate her sister’s athletic prowess. He was shocked to find out the new vocabulary had been picked from her school.

The above instances bring to bear that our choice of words whenever we’re around kids must be checked. We often hear of kids whose vocabulary is characterized by insulting and swear words or usage of words bigger than them. But have you ever stopped to wonder where the words were picked up from?

Sometimes it’s not impossible to discover that these kids don’t even know the meaning of the words used.

What to do?

• Cautiously inquire of them if they knew the meaning of the word and correct them lovingly.
• Explain to them that words have power and must be used carefully.

Making changes in your communication is not always easy but it is worth the try.

The crux of the post is to encourage everyone to be careful in the choice of words whenever they find themselves around kids.

Remember that “Children are like wet cement: whatever falls on them makes an impression.”

When I got employed to teach Mathematics at a school, I noticed some students bubbling with interest while some others were somewhat reluctant. I later got to understand the plight of the reluctant ones – they had a preconceived notion that Mathematics was difficult. Subsequently, I gathered that this attitude spanned all other subjects and not just Mathematics.

I also noticed that they approached each subject with an impossible mindset. They had classified certain students as the excellent ones while they labeled themselves as dull. As we spent time together, they picked up the challenge to strive for excellence and the result was amazing. Some even performed better than the titled “excellent students.”

Now the focal point is that nothing is more limiting than an inferior mindset. Sadly, this can be found among many students. It is very crippling as several of them believe that they cannot perform well academically. There is a bizarre notion that only a few students are meant to be excellent.

Academic excellence is not for a selected few. It is open to as many students as they are willing and ready to pay the price attached to success. A lot of students are intimidated by their peers and will rather shy away from speaking in class or even making a noteworthy contribution.

Every student is unique and their IQ abilities differ. They must recognize their peculiarities and begin expressing them. Some vary in learning as they are slow while others are fast. In the same wise, there are daytime readers while others are night readers. Likewise, some perform best in groups while others enjoy being unaccompanied. No student is dull. All that is needed is for them to discover their way of learning. No student is superior to another and the basis for competition should be between their “Present potential” and their “Actual potential” because every student has the potential to succeed.

A school motto reads, “Learn and Smile.” Isn’t it amazing that students with low academic performance do better in fun things? Don’t you think that if students began enjoying studying and viewing it as a surmountable mount, they will perform better?

Every student has the inherent potential to excel. However, all that is required to achieve this feat is to correct their mindsets.

“The words you speak become the house you live in.” Interesting quote, right?

One day I was having an informal conversation with Marvelous, a student in my class and she told me that “her brain was spoilt” which was a way of saying that she had a learning disability that makes it impossible for her to learn. I was so surprised that a ten-year-old would have such an opinion about herself. After much probing, she told me that a few months ago she was involved in an accident that almost had her right leg amputated, she was hospitalized for months and couldn’t attend school.

When she finally returned to school, she found it very difficult to catch up. It was at this point that her mom made her believe that the accident had affected her learning ability and it was therefore impossible for her to learn anymore. Whenever Marvelous faced a little setback, she would just give up telling herself learning wasn’t for her. Because of this she could not read a complete sentence and didn’t do well in every subject. Her actions gave credibility to her new belief.

Fast forward to nine months later, Marvelous can pick up words and make actual sentences. She is willing to push herself and try. Marvelous remembers concepts from months ago and can express ideas in her own words to show that she gets it.

Now the good news is that we didn’t get her to undergo brain surgery to help correct the said brain issue. All that was done was to sell her a distinctly different opinion and then back it up with facts. A mindset shift was all that happened!

To get this done as her teacher, I made Marvelous become the center of attention in class, I gave her more time to complete tasks and found out areas she needed extra help. I would always call her up to solve a problem or carry out a task I knew she would be excited to do and when she gets it right I had the entire class applaud her, constantly pointing to the fact that if she had brain damage it would be impossible to do what she had just done.

Soon enough she got used to getting things done and using the words of affirmation I gave her and before long she started to believe that she was indeed “intelligent”, “unique” and “talented”. This goes to show how impressionable children are. Your sincere opinions can shape how they perceive themselves and their abilities.

One thing we need to know is that children believe whatever words are uttered to them about themselves. If you use belittling words on them, they will believe you. On the other hand, if you tell them how amazing they are, they would exude a unique aura. This singular act makes them believe in you and embody whatever is being said because they trust their parents to know them more than anyone else. In addition to this, they believe their parents have their interest at heart and therefore, whatever they say is true.

I understand however, that there are children who have learning disabilities that impede their learning but I promise you, many of them are dealing with esteem issues and mindset dysfunction. This set of children are medically fine but they believe otherwise because you and I told them so. This is a challenge to us as parents, teachers and role models to become more intentional about boosting the self-esteem of the children in our lives through positive speaking, encouragement and commendation.

While growing up, I recall listening to my teachers lament about how youngsters my age detested reading. Some of our teachers even went further to recount stories of how much they read as kids and how it had shaped them into the adults they have become.

Now as a grown-up, I cannot help but shake my head as I watch this same trend go extinct right in my face. I find out that kids these days would do anything else but read.

Truthfully in our present day, a lot has changed. An average child has to deal with distractions from the internet and television. Even as a grownup, I find myself sometimes lost in this world of information, adverts, and social media, how much more the Gen Zers?

Urgent solutions are needed as blame games would not avail much. One laudable solution I have discovered is imitation. Children are great imitators so we must consciously give them great things to imitate. They often like to repeat what they have seen the special people in their lives do. A friend of mine once narrated how she developed the habit of always praying right before she entered her home. She was stunned to catch a glimpse of her five-year-old doing the same thing one day after stepping out with her dad.

It will be extremely difficult, if not impossible to get our children to become expert readers if all we do in front of them is stay glued to our phones. I know! The parental responsibility is getting more tasking and complicated.

Here’s what I think can be a way out. How about finding a time whenever we are relaxed to read at least a chapter of a book? If you don’t have any, there’s no better time to begin buying than now. Books have no expiry dates and are worth every dime.

Also, reading does not have to be boring. At home, you can spice it up by creating a reading corner. You can tell everyone about your special reading time and your expectations for that moment. This can be an hour in a week or more. As time goes by, you can find out books that match your child’s interest and invest in buying. You can share your reading time with your children and listen to them narrate the lessons or stories. You’d be surprised to see how giddy they’d be ’cause every child wants to be listened to.

I guarantee you that reading is a weapon of change. How about fortifying our kids with these harmless weapons?

And the next time you are about to complain or scold your kids, inquire of yourself if you’ve been an excellent role model!

How it all started for me

Earlier this year, Jesse Nkwiri reached out to me about the Thinking Cap Literacy Initiative (TCLI) and asked if I could volunteer, stressing that my writing skills would be of value; without thinking twice, I told him I am all in. Eight months down the line, I am still glad I decided to be here.

The redefining night for us

This piece is not to share about how I got in but about a night that all of us at TCLI will not forget in a rush.

The day was August 31st, it was a calm Tuesday evening and the occasion was a zoom meeting chaired by Jesse with Ambassador Odinaka Kingsley Obeta as our speaker for the night. All of us had our reasons for volunteering before then, but after he shared with us about the “why of volunteerism”, I can say with utmost certainty that we see everything in a different light – it was such an illuminating moment.

No, it wasn’t because he was even a Medical Laboratory Scientist, but It started for Odinaka a few years back when he was knocked down by Malaria (one can’t but wonder how such miniature creatures can bring down a giant man???), after recovery, he saw the need to start door to door awareness about the need to prevent against malaria in Tudun Wada, Jos North, Plateau State, Nigeria. In what might have been a response to the ordeal he had experienced, it grew to a passion, to a need to volunteer and reach out to many so that no one can experience what he went through. Today, from such a humble and purposeful beginning, Odinaka is an international ambassador and volunteer that is working hard in an attempt to make the world a better place.

The core of volunteerism

If you are to volunteer with any organization of your choice today, why would you do that? Some volunteer because they see their friends doing so, others do so to go through the motions and past time, while others have many reasons for volunteering. Whatever might be the reason, permit me to say it has to benefit humanity.

Cutting to the chest, meaningful volunteerism starts with the definition of why, one’s failure to clearly define why he/she volunteers makes it an effort in futility. This further aligns with the popular axiom that says where the purpose of a thing is not defined, abuse is inevitable. At the end of the session, for us at TCLI, we were all set on course to henceforth volunteer in whatever capacity we can with a deeper sense of purpose and responsibility.

Why we volunteer

After such a practical session with Ambassador Odinaka Kingsley Obeta, we at TCLI can now say with utmost certitude that among many others, these are some of the reasons why we volunteer.

• We volunteer to establish the right network, build needful associations and develop a solution-oriented mindset.
• Skills that are not put to use lose relevance with time, hence we volunteer to hone our skill sets.
• In life, we rise by the recommendation of others higher in influence than us, and who recommends you matters as well. Thus, while volunteering and establishing all the right networks, we build a track record that will enable other people to invest their credibility in us and vouch for us. Therefore, where such people of higher and global influence find us and what they find us doing will determine whether they can risk their credibility for us – volunteerism is our launchpad.
• Never undermine the power of capacity building and experience. Volunteerism gives us the platform to build capacity and gather experience that would have cost us a fortune.
• The quality of your volunteering network determines the quality of information and opportunities that will be available to you. At TLCI we volunteer to gain access to information and opportunities that will make us relevant and needful in our time.
• We volunteer to give back to the society
• We volunteer to make the world a better place through selfless services.
• We volunteer to become part of something bigger than us – humanity.
• When you volunteer, you have the opportunity to see the world through traveling and that is a school of its own.

To wrap this up

At TCLI we are purposeful and solution-driven. We know that nobody blows by accident as such a person has to rise to the ladder of influence through little, seemingly insignificant selfless community services. Yes, we have different yet equally important career paths, but we are out to strategically align our volunteer experience with our career paths as well – either way, we win.

If you are reading this piece now, do not ever say you have nothing to offer, this is because at the heart of volunteerism is selfless service. Therefore, if we all can selflessly serve our communities, with our time, resources, skills, and talents, this world will be a better place.

Guteng Walnshak Solomon

By Charles Bulus

SETTING THE BACKDROP

I stood in line on a sunny Saturday, waiting to cast my ballot, during the Nigerian presidential elections. This exercise was held on April 16, postponed from April 9, 2011. Though it was characterized by impatient speeches, lots of pushing and shoving, and a long verification process, I had the time of my life, listening as people shared different stories about the ‘good old days’ in Nigeria. At nineteen, it was my first involvement in the electoral process, and I could not be more proud, as I fiddled with my brand new permanent voters’ card (PVC), which had just arrived a week before the elections.

While my heart raced in anticipation and my palms grew sweaty, the country was in a state of limbo, unsure of what would happen. There was already controversy about whether a northerner or southerner should be president, given the Nigerian tradition of rotating this top office between zones; Umaru Musa Yar’Adua had died in office and Goodluck Jonathan assumed interim presidency. But this time, Nigeria had to elect a leader; the top contestants were: Goodluck Jonathan of People’s Democratic Party (PDP), Muhammadu Buhari of Congress for Progressive Change (CPC) Nuhu Ribadu of Action Congress of Nigeria (ACN), Ibrahim Shekarau of All Nigeria Peoples Party (ANPP).

Not even the post-election crisis that erupted in Northern Nigeria – after Goodluck Jonathan was declared winner – could dampen my spirit. “I’ve played my part”, I said to myself, “I’ve voted to make Nigeria a better place”. While many would have hoped that this is true, there has been a rapid surge in the degree of violence, corrupt practices, and bigotry in this country; as well as a decline in electoral participation, collapse of systems and structures, and the loss of liberty and equality, the very foundation on which democracy rests.

Over the years, leaders were changed; but Nigerians have become increasingly disillusioned about the possibility of enjoying dividends of democracy. Consequently, while other countries review progress during Independence and Democracy Day celebrations, Nigerians count losses; the giants of Africa have fallen, making a loud noise all the way down. At the moment, every indicator of civic engagement has continually gone down, which begs the question: are we in a democracy, and is it even possible to run a democratic government in Nigeria?

THE NIGERIAN DILEMMA

Despite countless debates about the meaning and potential for democracy, philosophers, political analysts and educators agree that citizens of a democracy must engage in decisions that affect their lives. University of Maryland political theorist, Benjamin Barber, writes, “Democracy is not a natural form of association, it is an extraordinary and rare contrivance of cultivated imagination” (2000:221). This implies that, even though we are not born democrats, and the current state of things is a far cry from what democracy represents, education of the public plays a significant role in ensuring that democrats are made out of us. Through this, Aristotle’s vision becomes true, as democratic citizens move themselves “from individual ignorance to collective wisdom” (Page & Shapiro, 1992: xi).

However, as Michael Delli Carpini and Scott Keeter point out in their study of US citizens’ political knowledge, participation and influence, it would depend on two things: “the nature of the information brought to the public marketplace and the ability of citizens to use that information to discern their interests and to articulate them effectively” (see Carpini and Keeter, 1996: ix). This should be accomplished through political debates and electoral campaigns, upholding a free press and community discourse (town hall meetings), as well as improving the kind of education people receive.

Unfortunately, these factors present a problem for us in Nigeria, as the populace is, at best uninformed, and at worst misinformed. Therefore, it has become grossly impossible for citizens to discern, articulate and pursue what’s best; while the few who do so are accused of mutiny or insurrection by the democratically elected (or appointed) leaders. When issues of national significance are being discussed, and it becomes obvious that underperforming individuals will be exposed, an ethnic or religious coloration is immediately attached to such discussions, and the discussants become targets. It seems as if the government benefits from the large-scale ignorance that is visible among Nigerians, especially those in the North. This is why, there seems to be an effort to leave more and more citizens uneducated concerning what things ought to be. But this should not be, since a truly democratic government upholds liberty and equality in speech, policies and practice.

Furthermore, at the heart of every well-meaning Nigerian is the moral dilemma to either pursue true democracy, by risking the labels, challenging bad government policies and educating the public on what their expectations should be, or to celebrate government meagre efforts by following Nigerian corrupt practices, in a bid to climb the ladder of leadership, and eventually do what one considers to be right. Both have short- and long-term implications for the individuals and the nation.

But the more subtle, but devastating challenge, is the fact that people here seem satisfied with the current state of things, as long as they can earn their daily bread. Nigerians only complain if their survival is hampered; but even if that happens, they are willing to endure, by developing new adaptive skills. Nigerians would only unite to speak as one when their small group is threatened or the relative peace is rocked, not because they desire to see the nation grow. And people celebrate incompetence and mediocrity, not because they don’t know better, but because they would rather have momentary gain, than push for long-term reforms. Alas, this is our undoing! Considering this unfortunate reality, how can education be used as a tool to foster democracy in a country as complex as Nigeria?

EDUCATION AS THE WAY FORWARD

It is not surprising that education remains the answer to the questions Nigerians are asking. By this, I mean that both formal education experiences in classrooms and lecture halls, and informal learning experiences outside of formal school settings can play a significant role in nurturing civic and political engagement among children, youths and adults. Parents must teach children to change the world, not to lead successful lives; teachers must train students to create jobs, not to get employed; communities must teach their members how to stand out, not cause them to fit in; and religious groups must uphold service to God and humanity, over self-gratification.

It is obvious that democracy means many things to many people, which is why the aspect of democracy considered to be most important and the method seen as most effective would vary: some would argue that formal institutions should become more democratic as they uphold a rigorous study of the workings of government, history of democratic institutions, as well as the battles fought by various nations to preserve democracy; but others, are convinced that it is only when young people go outside the classroom into the community, to match classroom learning with meeting community needs, that change starts to happen.

There is no one-size-fits-all answer to this, but I propose a slightly unconventional approach to education in Nigeria: families must educate their children before sending them to school (see Prov 22:6). While this may seem like a contradiction, it is not, considering what education means. Stella van Petten Henderson says, “Education is the formation of conscience”, while Babs Fafunwa (1974) defines education as, “the aggregate of all the processes by which a child or young adult develop the abilities, attitudes and other form of behaviors which are of positive value to the society in which he lives”. Our society is riddled with problems because people have no conscience, and have lost the ability to think of anyone but themselves.

Hence, parents must teach: Greetings and politeness, admitting to wrong and apologizing, gratitude and sharing, honesty and integrity, social etiquette and sex education, their local dialect and appreciation for that of others, punctuality and time management, personal hygiene and self-care, respect for people and their property, submission to authority and obedience, standing up for the weak and confronting injustice, service to God and humanity. TRUE education is all about- better people, better relationships, and better lives for all. Naturally, it is where the groundwork for true democracy is to be done.

When we excel at educating the conscience and character of people, school subjects will be learned with ease, and there would be better results in society. D. L Moody makes the point when he says, “If a man is stealing nuts and bolts from a railway track, and, in order to change him, you send him to college, at the end of his education, he will steal the whole railway track.” Theodore Roosevelt echoes this when he says, “A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad”. True change happens when people’s hearts are transformed, and no amount of schooling or government policy can accomplish this.

CONCLUDING THOUGHTS

Here are a few recommendations for families going forward:

• Be willing to model what you teach; don’t teach honesty if you’re not willing to tell the truth.
• Work with your spouses to build into your kids. Communities can also participate; it does take a village to raise a child.
• Read books, watch videos, and seek ways to improve. Good teachers are lifelong learners.
• Collaborate with others and learn from them. Our victory lies, not in a refined child, but a transformed community.
• Pray…like crazy. Only God can change people.

In the end, what matters is not how long we spend protesting injustice and inequality, but what we put in place to enjoy liberty and equality. While this may seem like a long walk to freedom, at least it is a walk that leads to freedom. And while we might prefer to say “during my time, we enjoyed this or that ”, true democracy should cause our expressions to be, “because of my time, my children will enjoy this or that ” This is how legacies are laid, and a world built on the culture that thinks of others is built.

Happy Democracy Day!

REFERENCES

Barber, B. A Passion for Democracy. Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press, 2000.

Cook, Sharon and Joel Westheimer. “Introduction: Democracy and Education” pages 347-358 in Canadian Journal of Education 29 (2), 2006.

Delli, Carpini Michael, & Scott Keeter. What Americans Know about Politics and Why it Matters. New Haven, CT: Yale University Press, 1996.

Page B., & Shapiro R. The Rational Public. Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1992.